Please allow me to introduce myself.
I'm the dark angel on the left side of Sigmund Bloom's couch.
Last year, I posted a test of faith that instilled spine-tingling, nerve-jangling dread into the soul of every fantasy player who read it in early August. It left the weaker among you so afraid to draft that you ran crying to that beatific, tie-dyed little angel, Bloom for reassurance in his land of bright and shiny toys.
You're hypnotized by Bloom's rays of sunlight and slurp down his rainbow-flavored takes like parched little boys and girls after they chase down the neighborhood snowcone truck on summer's day that's hotter than...home. As much as I love the heat, I favor darkness even more. It's the best way to see the details of the game.
I live in those details.
(I hope you guessed my name.)
You may not want me, but you need me to put your beliefs on trial. If you still like these players after I get through with them, there's no reason you shouldn't draft them. Otherwise, their names should never cross your lips in 2018.
The Gut Check's devil's advocate (50-1)
50. Lamar Miller: If you need a second running back, that's what he'll give you. There's little upside here. Don't you want the glory of picking a player who outplays his average draft position? My disciple Stringer Bell is correct: Nobody cares about a 40-degree day. I so hate modesty.
49. Russell Wilson: How can such a nice man like Sigmund Bloom hate Russell Wilson so much? Maybe our Footballguys angel isn't so angelic after all. Wilson is such a good guy and a great player. He says all the right things, he has the superstar wife, and he visits sick kids all the time. Don't pay attention to the fact that teammates claim they've never seen Wilson walk by a mirror and he is a stickler for making sure he's invited into their house when he stands in the doorway. He's just a modest and polite young man with a killer instinct on the field. I just wonder if he can continue to carry this offense as a one-man-gang now that Paul Richardson Jr and Jimmy Graham are gone, Amara Darboh isn't working out, and Tyler Lockett is a lesser imitation of Richardson. Maybe it's because Wilson is the only player the Seahawks can afford long-term. Wilson got his Super Bowl, but he and angelic Pete tried to break our agreement a year later. Since then, I've enjoyed watching Wilson suffer through this slow and painful dismantling, one piece at a time.
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