The Profit: Divisional Round

A humorous - yet serious - look at the NFL

Remember last week? Me either. Let's get to the picks!


Atlanta (-5.0) vs. Seattle
Ok, well we saw "GOOD" Seattle. The one that can run the table, dominate anyone on any given day, even beat the Patriots if everyone was healthy. And we know this isn't your typically soft Falcons team (sorry Atlanta fans, but you kinda know it's been true in the past). That being said, I figured this one was a field goal game in terms of the line. The Seahawks could very easily get blown out of the building. Atlanta's offense can pile up points in a hurry, for sure. But this game isn't up to them. It all depends on which version of Seattle shows up. Right now, I'm riding the wave a little bit because I can't quite put my total faith in this Atlanta defense just yet. Watching Thomas Rawls and Doug Baldwin do nasty things to Detroit's solid defense a week ago makes me wonder what's in store this time. And while Matt Ryan and company should have fairly equal success moving the ball against an Earl Thomas-less Seattle secondary, I can't help but wonder if this line isn't inflated by an extra tick or two. Seattle at LEAST keeps it close, if not wins it outright. Or they, ya know, get blown out by forty. Either way. Either way.
Pick: Seahawks

New England (-15.0) vs. Houston
Let's just get one thing out of the way. The Patriots will win this game. Probably with relative ease. But make no mistake, the fact that they will so easily win this one means that they won't be doing anything too crazy here. We've seen it before, when a dominant team takes on one that probably doesn't even belong there and everyone assumes it'll be blowout city. Well, the Pats could do that. Or they could lean on the run game and the defense (coupled with the fact that Houston won't be able to move the ball). I just feel like a 15 point spread is too much. New England could dominate the entire game, win 20-6, and that means they don't cover. Just has that kind of a feel. But hey I went 0-4 last week so I'm probably talking out of my ass.
Pick: Texans

Kansas City (-1.5) vs. Pittsburgh
Just a few short weeks ago, I picked the Chiefs to go to the Super Bowl. My pick was Packers/Chiefs, with Green Bay winning the whole thing. Now one game later, and I'm ready to bail on KC in favor of Pittsburgh in this one. And the reasoning is simple. I think the Chiefs are better, and I think they should win this game. Their defense is clearly superior, and the offense lacks the dynamics but is every bit as capable of explosive plays. Kansas City is well-coached, well-rested, and not being given the credit and respect it deserves for coming out of the tough AFC West and snagging the 2 seed. So let's call this the Costanza pick. If every instinct I've ever had was wrong...then the OPPOSITE, must be right!
Pick: Steelers

Dallas (-4.5) vs. Green Bay
I'm fairly certain that the winner of this game is going to the Super Bowl, and I said the same thing about last week's Packers/Giants game. Which I suppose means I like the Packers to go to the Super Bowl. Which I suppose means that in order to win the game outright, they'll certainly need to cover the spread in a game that they're the underdog. Because math. So that means I'm taking all of the underdogs for the second consecutive week. It's not particularly noteworthy, except in the sense that I'm possibly taking all the dogs to hope that life "evens out" this week. It's like when red comes up six times in a row. Might as well put your entire retirement savings on black on the next spin, because it's definitely "due". Sorry, I know that's a fallacy but I'm just trying to drive home that final nail in the coffin that will help convince everyone that they should never, ever, neverrrrr listen to me for gambling advice. Good thing I wrote this article, huh?
Pick: Packers

BEST BETS: Seahawks, Texans, Steelers, Packers
LOCK: Green Bay Packers


Overall: 0-4
Best Bets: 0-4
Lock of the Week: 0-1


Overall: 129-131 (49%)
Best Bets: 32-40 (44%)
Lock of the Week: 9-9 (50%)


Team Name W/L (Prv)
1. Patriots 14-2 (1)
2. Cowboys 13-3 (2)
3. Chiefs 12-4 (3)
4. Falcons 11-5 (5)
5. Steelers 12-5 (6)
6. Packers 11-6 (7)
7. Giants 11-6 (4)
8. Seahawks 11-5-1 (9)
9. Raiders 12-5 (8)
10. Texans 10-7 (15)
11. Lions 9-8 (10)
12. Dolphins 10-7 (11)
13. Broncos 9-7 (12)
14. Redskins 8-7-1 (13)
15. Ravens 8-8 (14)
16. Bucs 9-7 (16)
17. Titans 9-7 (17)
18. Saints 7-9 (18)
19. Cardinals 7-8-1 (19)
20. Vikings 8-8 (20)
21. Eagles 7-9 (21)
22. Panthers 6-10 (22)
23. Bengals 6-9-1 (23)
24. Colts 8-8 (24)
25. Bills 7-9 (25)
26. Jets 5-11 (27)
27. Chargers 5-11 (26)...they deserve this
28. Jaguars 3-13 (28)
29. Bears 3-13 (29)
30. 49ers 2-14 (30)
31. Rams 4-12 (31)
32. Browns 1-15 (32)

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