The Profit: Week 15

A humorous - yet serious - look at the NFL

Real life emergency got in the way of getting this out in a timely manner prior to Thursday's game. Most writers would apologize for such a thing. I would say instead, that you guys owe me a thank you. One less day of having to deal with the nonsense you're about to read.

Let's get to the picks!


New York Jets (-3.5) at Dallas
Yes, Dallas is still alive. And due to my unhealthy obsession for a player who isn't even on my own team, I'm really rooting for Dallas to take the NFC East so that Tony Romo can come back for the playoffs. But this is just a dead team walking right now. There's just nothing there.
Pick: Jets

Indianapolis (-2.5) vs Houston
It's become increasingly obvious that the Colts have no business being a playoff team, while Houston has kinda sorta shown glimpses of being the team that nobody wants to play in the playoffs. Along with the Jets, Giants, and Chargers.
Pick: Texans

Jacksonville (-3.5) vs. Atlanta
Definition of insanity: continually expecting the Falcons to show up, after they continue to be awful.
Pick: Falcons

Buffalo (-0.5) at Washington
Just because the Giants or Eagles would be infinitely more interesting in a playoff game (let's face it, a playoff game pretty much means an automatic loss for our nation's capital), Washington will in all likelihood win the division. Bah.
Pick: Redskins

Carolina (-4.5) at New York Giants
I'm not saying that I'm gonna take the Giants due to their franchise's historical success against undefeated teams...but I'm taking the Giants due to their franchise's historical success against undefeated teams.
Pick: Giants

New England (-14.5) vs. Tennessee
I realize it seems like too many points. Then you think about who is playing, and realize it should be about a 40-point spread.
Pick: Patriots

Minnesota (-5.5) vs. Chicago
Tough call here. Minnesota shows flashes, but anyone who says they fully trust Teddy Bridgewater is lying. On the other hand, Jay Cutler.
Pick: Vikings

Kansas City (-7.5) at Baltimore
Once again, let's recap. The Chiefs don't blow you out, and the Ravens don't tend to get blown out. Final score prediction: 6-4
Pick: Ravens

Seattle (-14.5) vs. Cleveland
No, Johnny doesn't lay 2+ touchdowns against ANYONE, even the hottest team in football.
Pick: Browns

Green Bay (-2.5) at Oakland
No reason why Green Bay shouldn't march into Oakland and put on an air show this weekend. This line is bafflingly low.
Pick: Packers

Pittsburgh (-6.5) vs. Denver
I like Pittsburgh and all too, but this is a lot of points against a team with arguably the best defense in the entire league. I'm not even entirely sure Pittsburgh is a better team than the Broncos, to be honest.
Pick: Broncos

Cincinnati (-4.5) at San Francisco
Banged-up Dalton and Eifert, on the road, playoff pressure looming. Yup, it's about that time for the Bengals fans to brace themselves. You're about to get Bengal'd.
Pick: Niners

San Diego (-0.5) vs. Miami
The Chargers shouldn't be favored against anyone right now. No one.
Pick: Dolphins

Arizona (-3.5) at Philadelphia
I've been saying for weeks that Arizona is the most complete team in football. No reason to change things up now.
Pick: Cardinals

New Orleans (-2.5) vs. Detroit
This matchup is a good reminder of why Sunday Night Football >>> Monday Night Football.
Pick: Lions

BEST BETS: Texans, Packers, Broncos, Cardinals
LOCK: Green Bay Packers


Overall: 9-7
Best Bets: 3-1
Lock of the Week: 1-0


Overall: 96-112 (46%)
Best Bets: 22-34 (39%)
Lock of the Week: 6-8 (42%)


1. Panthers 13-0 (1)
2. Cardinals 11-2 (2)
3. Broncos 10-3 (3)
4. Patriots 11-2 (5)
5. Bengals 10-3 (4)
6. Packers 9-4 (6)
7. Seahawks 8-5 (7)
8. Steelers 8-5 (8)
9. Chiefs 8-5 (10)
10. Vikings 8-5 (9)
11. Jets 8-5 (14)
12. Rams 5-8 (18)
13. Raiders 6-7 (21)
14. Redskins 6-7 (19)
15. Eagles 6-7 (22)
16. Bills 6-7 (11)
17. Bears 5-8 (13)
18. Texans 6-7 (15)
19. Giants 6-7 (20)
20. Jaguars 5-8 (23)
21. Colts 6-7 (12)
22. Saints 5-8 (26)
23. Bucs 6-7 (16)
24. Falcons 6-7 (17)
25. Dolphins 5-8 (24)
26. Ravens 4-9 (25)
27. Cowboys 4-9 (27)
28. Lions 4-9 (28)
29. Browns 3-10 (31)
30. 49ers 4-9 (29)
31. Chargers 3-10 (30)
32. Titans 3-10 (32)

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