Power Rankings - Week 3
Posted 9/18 by Mike Brown, Exclusive to Footballguys.com
Games I watched in Week 2
- Buf @ Jax & GB @ Det
SD @ Den
Cle @ Pit
Phi @ Dal
Rk Team Name Record (Prv.)
- Cowboys 2-0 (1)
I have to admit getting excited watching Jessica Simpson run up and down the sidelines Monday night, bouncing all over the place during the Felix Jones kick return TD. Then I realized it was Wade Phillips. Someone please get him a bro.
- Giants 2-0 (2)
Let's not question the quality of the opponents, considering the G-Men are dominating them regardless of how untalented they may be.
- Packers 2-0 (3)
I think I know what the problem is. Aaron Rodgers is talented as hell, playing great football, and making people forget Favre. But what's bothering me is that whenever they show him, he's always making this face like someone around him just farted.
- Steelers 2-0 (4)
Can you imagine being a blind person and trying to follow the game Sunday night with John Madden announcing?
"See ya got this guy here and that guy here and then these other guys doing this thing back here and then they all come together here to make this thing blow up and you got a whole bunch of this doing all that. Ya see what I mean?"
Patriots 2-0 (5)
Ho-hum, I guess the machine keeps on plugging along.
Panthers 2-0 (7)
Carolina actually had a game? Seriously? Come on. I could've sworn they played a series or two, sent those highlights, made up a score, and called it a day. This was the most nothing game of 2008, hands down.
Titans 2-0 (8)
Anybody else getting the feeling like Kerry Collins is on his way to a very Testaverde-esque finish to his career? Where is this "Devil" and how can I make my own deal?
Eagles 1-1 (6)
DeSean, seriously. That's like pulling out with Mariah Carey. For those who are under thirteen years old that may be reading this, that joke has to do with oldies music.
Broncos 2-0 (9)
I finally settled on a good analogy to Shanahan's decision to go for the two point conversion. It would be like if Marisa Tomei asked you to sleep with her but you've got a good feeling about this Shakira chick you're meeting later on for drinks.
[Writer's note: After rereading this, I've decided it's complete lunacy to refer to Marisa Tomei as an extra point.]
Chargers 0-2 (11)
Even as a Chargers fan, I'm appalled at the fact that referee Ed Hochuli is receiving threatening letters. I don't endorse sending him threatening letters to his home in Phoenix, Arizona. I mean, you could if you want to. No, just kidding. Unless you know nah. Although - don't.
Bills 2-0 (18)
I ended up watching a good portion of the Bills/Jaguars game Sunday, and came away impressed with Buffalo. But I didn't watch it for that reason. I didn't even watch it because the game was close. I watched it because Gus Johnson can make anything seem like the most dramatic event in sports history.
"Lee Evans (almost a whisper) over near the SIDE---LIIIIIINE (dramatic effect)...one loop over the OTHERRRRRRRRR (voice building) GOT IT! He TIES HIS LACES AND THIS PLACE IS GOING Ba-NANAS! Ha-HAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!"
Saints 1-1 (10)
Someone please tell the Saints defensive backfield that Drew Brees can only make up for so many lapses downfield.
Colts 1-1 (13)
Remember what happened the last time Bob Sanders missed a lot of time? I might look the fool in a month for suggesting this, but the Colts are a playoff bubble team at best right now.
Jets 1-1 (12)
I know you can't count out Brett Favre, but barely beating Miami and then doing nothing against a Brady-less Pats team has to be a bit of a concern.
Vikings 0-2 (14)
Tarvaris Jackson, we hardly knew ye
Jaguars 0-2 (15)
Get in on Maurice Jones-Drew now, or regret it Monday morning.
Bears 1-1 (16)
Through two games, even though Kyle Orton hasn't thrown a touchdown, he also hasn't turned the ball over once. Word on the street is that the monument is going to be on the south end of Soldier Field.
Cardinals 2-0 (19)
Having picked Arizona to win the NFC West for I believe the last four seasons, I'm taking no credit if they somehow actually do it this year. Blind squirrel and all.
Browns 0-2 (17)
With Charlie Weis off his feet for the next few weeks due to his ACL tear, Romeo Crennel has a lot of work to do if he wants to win back the title of "Former Patriots Assistant Coach Who Looks the Most Like A Planet".
Bucs 1-1 (20)
I have nothing to say here. Absolutely nothing. No offense to them, just blank.
Falcons 1-1 (21)
Remember when the Falcons offense was going to take the league by storm? That was a long time ago, almost ten whole days now.
Texans 0-1 (22)
Hopefully anyone affected by the hurricane can get their lives/homes back in order in short time, and get everything back to normal again. Best of luck to all of you.
Ravens 1-0 (23)
How do you suppose that conversation went? "Well, we can move the game to Monday night but nobody's gonna watch. Wanna just postpone it? I mean seriously, Texans/Ravens? I don't think anybody will even notice, for real."
Redskins 1-1 (28)
There is a nude photo of Chris Cooley out there. I think we can all now die happy.
Lions 0-2 (25)
<SPOILER ALERT FOR THE DEPARTED>
Remember when Billy Costigan mixes it up with the goons from Rhode Island? Then he gets his hand smashed by Costello? Then he gets into it with Dignam? Then he's nearly discovered by Costello's men, but he keeps surviving his problems? But then he gets shot right in the face anyway? That's the Lions of 2008.
Niners 1-1 (29)
So now that J.T. O'Sullivan is averaging about ten yards per pass attempt, does anyone want to reconsider their stance on Martz being no good?
Dolphins 0-2 (26)
I'd like to comment on Miami, I really would. But I just found out literally just now that Megan Fox used to date a female stripper, and I don't have room in my brain for another thought right now.
Seahawks 0-2 (27)
So the Seahawks signed Billy McMullen, Keary Colbert and Koren Robinson. As the old saying goes, 'You can put lipstick on a pig '
Raiders 1-1 (32)
I seriously cannot wait to see if Art Shell is on the list of replacements. Tell me you'd be shocked by it. Go ahead, tell me. You can't. Because you wouldn't be.
Chiefs 0-2 (24)
Imagine for a moment that Ernest Borgnine called you old or that Richard Simmons said you were effeminate or that Steve-O from Jackass called you stupid. That's what getting destroyed by the Raiders is like.
Rams 0-2 (30)
Don't look now, but the Rams are 0-2. I said don't look! What, do you want to go blind?!?
Bengals 0-2 (31)
The Bengals without an offense are like Paul Walker without his good looks. Oh yeah - I went there.
Super Shufflers of the Week
- Buffalo Bills +7 They're obviously legit.
- Washington Redskins +4 See what happens when you don't look completely inept?
- San Francisco 49ers and Oakland Raiders (tie) +3 Big week for the Bay, as both teams are close to cracking the top 25.
Plungers of the Week
- Kansas City Chiefs (-6) Well, at least they won't be here again next week.
- Several teams (tie) -2 Not enough of a bump to really single anyone out. Do the math. You'll see who they are.